Movie Reviews

September 16, 2024 “Speak No Evil” is a remake of a 2022 Danish movie with a famously vile twist. I went into this film expecting it to have the same twist. That’s not to say that I expected it to have the same “ending,” exactly, as I knew the film might deviate from the source material once it reached a certain point. But there could be no question that it was indeed winding its way to that point. It was no surprise that what came after that point was horror movie shlock, but I was surprised by how captivated I was by what led up to that point.

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September 9, 2024 In preparation for “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” I watched the original film from 1988. I found that I liked “some” things about it, like the set and character designs and much of the humor, but it’s not a film I would recommend overall. The special effects weren’t well-integrated (even for the 80’s), motivations between the warring factions made no sense, and worst of all, the characters just weren’t likeable. I’m not talking about obvious villains like the ruthless profiteers or Michael Keaton’s sleazy trickster-for-hire Betelgeuse (hereafter referred to as “Beetlejuice”). I mean that I couldn’t even root for harmless yuppie couple the Maitlands (you guys are dead, find something to do with your eternal lives and stop bothering the living) or Winona Ryder’s teenage goth icon Lydia Deetz (“’somebody’ wants attention”). The good news is that the new film is better about making its protagonists likeable. The bad news is that, while it addresses one issue, others remain and a few new ones pop up.

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September 2, 2024 Nobody is going to mistake cut-rate biopic “Reagan” for a great movie. At best, it’s a pretty standard greatest-hits collection of important moments in the former President’s life. At worst, it’s a laughably underfunded production made by people who, for whatever reason, want to sell America on Ronald Reagan in 2024. But the movie is not always at its worst. It’s a subpar movie that I think some critics are mistaking for a terrible movie. Reagan’s life story is told by former KGB agent Viktor Petrovich (Jon Voight) as he teaches a young Russian politician about the mistakes the Soviet Union made in underestimating Reagan in the 1980’s.

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August 26, 2024 I was on vacation two weekends ago, so I missed the chance to review this movie when it nearly took down “Deadpool & Wolverine” for the #1 spot at the box office. Two weeks later, the film has dropped to #3, but it still outperformed everything that opened this past weekend, not to mention racking up an impressive $120 million domestic total. It is time to officially take a look at this movie, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to do so. Blake Lively stars as Lily Bloom, a woman who loves flowers. Fortunately the movie is only this annoyingly on-the-nose this one time. She meets handsome neurosurgeon Ryle Kincaid (Justin Baldoni, also the film’s director) on the roof of her apartment building while he’s in a furious mood over a dead child. She’s put off by his violent anger, but supposes that anyone can lash out over something so horrific.

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August 19, 2024 “Alien: Romulus” started out at a disadvantage with me because I haven’t liked any of the “Alien” films that came before it. I’m not just talking about the heavily-maligned third and fourth installments from the 90’s, the “Predator” crossovers from the 2000’s, or the uneven Michael Fassbender arc of the 2010’s. I mean that even the “classic” original from 1979 and beloved first sequel from 1986 have never done it for me. I find them to be little more than glorified haunted house movies with one cool creature design and some extra squishy special effects. That isn’t to say that I think they’re terrible, exactly, just not worthy of their pedestals in popular culture. Now “Alien: Romulus” is a movie that I do think is terrible, exactly. 

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August 5, 2024 With “Trap,” writer/director M. Night Shyamalan has given us a half-decent movie. By which I mean that half of it is… decent. The first half delivers the taut thriller we’ve been promised, and it’s not great or anything, but it’s reasonably suspenseful and enjoyable. And then the movie becomes garbage. Not the unique, crazy garbage that only Shyamalan can deliver, but uncreative garbage that no self-respecting filmmaker wants to deliver. 

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July 29, 2024 If nothing else, “Deadpool & Wolverine” is Disney taking a victory lap for acquiring 20th Century Fox and the Marvel properties it controlled. We got a taste of this last year in “Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness” when the advertising bragged about bringing in Patrick Stewart’s Professor X from the X-Men and then the movie threw in John Krasinski as Reed “Mr. Fantastic” Richards from the Fantastic Four just because it could. This time, two former Fox characters are front and center for a Disney release, and they’re bringing some very un-Disneylike mannerisms with them. 

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July15, 2024 The gruesome horror movie “Longlegs” pulled something of an upset at this past weekend’s domestic box office. It wasn’t enough to upset “Despicable Me 4” for the #1 spot, but it did do the best among new releases. Great reviews were seemingly enough to pull the family-unfriendly indie darling into the #2 spot and make it the only movie to pull in half of what “Despicable Me 4” made. And to all the critics whose diligent word of mouth turned this scrappy upstart into a surprise hit, I have to say: you must have seen a different “Longlegs” than I did, because the movie I saw was a joke.

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July 8, 2024 For a franchise that has been fairly consistent with its style of PG animated humor, the “Despicable Me” movies are kind of all over the place for me. I couldn’t stand the first one, loved the second one, thought the first “Minions” spinoff had its moments, felt the shtick was stale for the third one, and was pleasantly surprised by the second “Minions.” Now comes the fourth entry chronologically from the first, the sixth in the series overall. Unfortunately, I found this one to be on the lower end of the spectrum. It didn’t send me into a days-long depression over the state of family entertainment like the original did, but it is quite possibly the worst since the first. 

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July 2, 2024 “A Quiet Place: Day One” made a grave miscalculation with its advertising. Scenes were filmed with the intention of putting them in the trailers, but not the movie. This way, when people saw the movie, they wouldn’t be able to properly anticipate the surprises and story progression. To that end, the advertising succeeded, I was indeed thrown off while watching the movie. But here’s where they didn’t succeed: the scenes shot just for the trailers were terrible, with clumsy dialogue and careless pacing. I was so mad at Hollywood for continuing this series without the creative vision of director John Krasinski, especially when the movie looked like garbage without his input. I only saw this movie out of obligation for the column, and I wouldn’t be surprised if fans of the series stayed away entirely because of those awful trailers. But it turns out that not only is this movie better than the trailers, it’s better than the two installments that Krasinski directed. 

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June 24, 2024 Watching “The Bikeriders,” the word “inauthentic” kept driving through my mind. For example, I wasn’t buying pretty-boy Austin Butler as a tough biker. There is a planet where Butler can come off as intimidating and that planet is called Arrakis. Here on Earth, he looks like a clean-cut actor making a calculated decision to take on a grungy role to make people notice his range, but it’s backfiring because it is so transparent. And it’s even worse for the actors that I regarded as tough guys going into this movie. Based on other performances they’ve turned in, Michael Shannon, Damon Herriman, and Boyd Holbrook all seem like good choices for a rough-and-tumble biker pic. But here they’re buried under so much bad makeup and unconvincing acting choices that it will actually be harder for me to take them seriously the next time they try to look dangerous in a good movie.

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June 17, 2024 Back in 2015, Disney and Pixar introduced us to 11-year-old Riley and the squabbling emotions inside her prepubescent head. To make a long story short, Joy (Amy Poehler) tried to retain dominance over the girl, but Sadness (Phyllis Smith) kept creeping her way in. The struggle led to both emotions getting kicked out of Riley’s conscience. Following an adventure through the girl’s psyche, both emotions made their way back and Joy realized that she had to share Riley with other emotions, even unpleasant ones, in order for her to get the most out of life. In this new movie, Riley’s five core emotions want to retain dominance over the girl, but new emotions creep their way in. This leads to a struggle where the old emotions get kicked out of Riley’s conscience. They’ll have to go on an adventure through the girl’s psyche to make their way back and hopefully obliterate the new emotions. Or maybe they’ll learn to share and the message will be exactly the same as in the first movie. 

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June 10, 2024 I’m not going to go into a lot of depth about the story in “Bad Boys: Ride or Die.” Miami detectives Mike Lowery (Will Smith) and Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) are back to have another cop adventure. They do some investigating, clash with superiors, run afoul of bad guys, the bad guys endanger their loved ones, and then there’s a big showdown with the bad guys at the end. There’s no suspense in predicting that the movie will stick to that formula. The real suspense comes from wondering what the action scenes will entail, what jokes will be cracked, and, this being a “Bad Boys” movie, how ridiculous it will all be. With that in mind, I have some thoughts…

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June 3, 2024 “Garfield and Friends,” based on comic strips by Jim Davis, was one of my favorite cartoons growing up. With all due respect to the show’s talented writers and other voice actors, the best thing about the show was Lorenzo Music’s performance as the title tabby. Music’s voice, which somehow always sounded like a yawn, was the perfect fit for a character that spent every waking moment wishing he wasn’t awake. Yes, Garfield would engage in frenzied eating, especially of lasagna, but that was mostly handled with whooshing noises from the sound effects team. Otherwise, Garfield, with Music’s voice, was the personification (cat-ification?) of laziness. 

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May 27, 2024 2015’s “Mad Max: Fury Road” was one of the most critically-lauded action movies not just of its year, not just of its decade, but of all time. I will forever curse “Pitch Perfect 2” for opening the same weekend and doing better at the box office, thus keeping me from reviewing “Fury Road” (for the record, I would have given it an enthusiastic B). While Tom Hardy’s Max was an important presence in that movie, audiences seemed to find themselves drawn to another character, one that had an even more commanding screen presence, did more to make the film instantly iconic, and more than warranted an expensive prequel. Alas, we’ll have to keep waiting for that origin story for the guitar-playing Doof Warrior. In the meantime, we have this movie about another beloved “Fury Road” character, Charlize Theron’s Imperator Furiosa. 

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May 20, 2024 My biggest complaint about writer/director/star John Krasinski’s new movie “IF”… is that it’s a movie. What I mean is that Krasinski clearly has some broad ideas for worldbuilding and there are many interesting characters in the mix, but the movie has to rush so much to stay within the “movie” format of a two-hour runtime that the whole thing is kind of a mess. The story follows 12-year-old Bea (Cailey Fleming) as she stays with her grandmother (Fiona Shaw, charmingly reminding me of my own grandmother) while her widower father (Krasinski) is in the hospital for heart surgery. Her family does their best to keep her in good spirits, but Bea can only bring herself to split her time between being bored and worrying that she’ll lose another loved one.

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May 13, 2024 In this era of constant reboots and re-imaginings and the like, “Planet of the Apes” has had a pretty successful run. 2011’s “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” was such a big hit both commercially and critically that pundits were talking about an unprecedented motion-capture-based Oscar nomination for Andy Serkis as lead ape Caesar (it didn’t happen, but it was fun to speculate). Two follow-up films in 2014 and 2017 weren’t shabby either, and it looked like the series was going to stop at a taut little trilogy. But now we’re back with “Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes,” which takes place in the same continuity as Caesar without overextending the neatly-wrapped arc. 

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May 6, 2024 There has been a push in recent years for the Oscars to add an award for stunt work. I’m all for it, sure, give some often-unrecognized professionals their moment in the sun. My guess is it’s going to happen eventually, given the passion of the advocates and no apparent strong argument against it. Director David Leitch is no doubt a proponent of the movement, seeing as he’s a former stunt performer himself and his film “The Fall Guy” is basically a two-hour plea to give stunt performers their due. Which isn’t to say it isn’t a highly entertaining plea. It’s just about the most fun you can possibly have watching a plea. 

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April 29, 2024 Since “Challengers” begins practically at the end of its story, I think I’ll begin this review by talking about the movie’s ending. It ends, as we see in early scenes and is pretty predictable anyway, with feuding tennis stars Art (Mike Faist) and Patrick (Josh O’Connor) playing against each other in the finals of a tournament, with Art’s wife Tashi (Zendaya) watching from the stands. While ultimately one player will have to win and one will have to lose, the real winners are fans of great tennis. As with the match, “Challengers” doesn’t concern itself with things like results and fate, it just wants to give you a thrill in getting there.

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April 22, 2024 “After last week’s heavy, serious, ultraviolent “Civil War,” I needed a movie like the lighter, sillier, also ultraviolent “Abigail.” Is this film as intelligent and thought-provoking as last week’s offering – a film that still rules the box office, by the way? No. Is this film going to leave much of an impact on popular culture? Probably not – it doesn’t do much to stand out from similar movies, some from the same people that made this movie. But would I pick “Abigail” over “Civil War” to watch in my free time because it’s much more fun? Oh, yes. 

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April 15, 2024 “Civil War” presents one of the most intriguing premises of the year, maybe of the last several years: what if Texas and California were to secede from the United States and join forces to wage war against their former home country? In short, everyone would lose. The economy would tank so badly that $300 would buy you a ham sandwich or cheese sandwich – but not both. There wouldn’t be a sports stadium left for sports and not crisis centers. Violence and death would lurk around every corner. And needless to say, things would be a nightmare for the press

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April 1, 2024 “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” is really a tale of two movies. No, not a Godzilla movie and a King Kong movie, rather a movie that follows the human characters and a movie that follows what the movie calls “Titans.” The human portion is terrible, as is the human contribution to all American Godzilla movies (and I specify “American” because the human element in the recent Japanese installment “Godzilla Minus One” made it one of the best kaiju movies ever made). But the Titan portion makes for one of the best movies of the year. 

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March 25, 2024 What has happened to the “Ghostbusters” movie franchise? For over a quarter century Hollywood resisted the temptation to spoil the one-two punch of the 1984 comedy classic and its decent-enough 1989 sequel. Then there came the 2016 reboot, which was controversial for its female cast, and the controversy is all anyone remembers. The 2021 legacy sequel didn’t always nail its humor, but there were some charming new characters and a nice kick of nostalgia at the end. But now with “Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire,” this once-mighty property has officially become, well, a ghost of its former self. After the bold decision to set the last movie in Oklahoma, this movie finds the Spengler family living in New York City busting ghosts in an urban metropolis.

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